Wondering how to handle sibling fights? Parenting expert Alyson Schafer checks in with The Morning Show to answer your lockdown parenting questions. 8 min video
Procedure:
- Students make sure they understand the expressions/words from the list.
- Students answer the questions themselves
- Students compare their answers with those provided by Alyson Shaffer
A) Expressions and vocabulary
**Read the following expressions and vocabulary before listening. Make sure you understand them in context when you watch the video. .
Cry for help
Kerfuffle (British for commotion)
Throw one another under the bus
To grow mold
To win teenagers buy-in
Take the door off the hinges
Find like-minded people
To get the wheels back on track (on parenting)
Get a handoff (children have a sleepover for the weekend)
Let the tears flow
B) Think of your answers to the following questions
- Why do teenagers tend to fight when the parents are busy?
- What is the reasonable amount of time to allow teens to be alone in their room?
- What can parents do if they run out of patience, are cranky, and snap at their children?
- How can parents ensure teens are not lying and going behind their back to see their friends?
C) Now listen to The Morning Show (8min video). Compare your answers with the expert's advice
11 comments:
Well, as a teenager, I've understood a lot of points of this "interview". The lockdown has been difficult for everyone, specially if yiu have little sisters. As the video says, I've also argued somtimes whith my little sister just because we were bored. The time left we just spent all day in our rooms, seeing videos or playing videogames. In our experience, we both get very well with our family and barely ever argue with our mother. The funny fact is that the pandemic and lockdown has connected us much more: we used to play Rummikub and Cluedo and watched films al together. By the way, this has been a very hard time but, as a teenager, I agree with saying that my family has been my strongest support. I'm glad to say that.
Well, as a teenager, I've agreed some points of this "interviews". We are going by a very hard time.
I confess I have also argued with my little sister just because we were bored. The rest of the day, we spent the time in our rooms watching videos or playing videogames.
But the true is that this lockdown has connected us more, specially with our parents: we played a lot together games like Rummikub or Cluedo and wathed together films. I'm glad to say that my strongest support during this pandemic has been my family.
Why do teenagers tend to fight when the parents are busy?
1) Because they want attention form their parents.
2) There is no reasonable amount because it is normal that they want to have some privacy.
3) They should treat themselves and try to selfcare.
4) You have to just trust them.
Before watching the video:
1. Probably because they want attention
2. I personally think that being alone in our room isn't a bad thing. Our room is like a safe place for us, so I'll have to say that you should only worry if it's been an entire day and they still haven't come out of the room.
3. Parents should always be careful with what they say to teenagers because overall teens are very hormonal and dramatic, and one bad received comment from their parents could make them mad. If a parent looses their patience, they should try to take a deep breath and calm down.
4. Parents should not try to control their teens. People say to treat teens like adults, and I think they should do that. We are very aware of what is going on, and we do realise that we cannot meet up with as many friends as we used to. But having our parents constantly question us on if we're being safe and taking precautions when meeting with people can be very frustrating.
After watching the video:
1. I think my answer was pretty close to Alyson Shaffer's. Teens tend to fight when they are bored and also because fighting requires an audience and they want attention.
2.She doesn't give an exact number of hours, but she does say that: First of all it is a normal thing for teens to be in their room a lot. Second of all, you should try to engage your kids in family activities or ask them to go outside for a while. But always give a "say" and "why" amount of time and some choice in the matter.
3. Parents need extreme self care , time for themselves via having their kids go to a (safe) sleepover of something of the sort.
4. Parents need to empathise and understand that we need to be socially involved with our friends. They should try to make that happened but in a safe way. That way kids will know that parents are trying to help.
-Lola McIver
Before watching the video:
1. Because they want attention
2. I think that being in your room isn't a bad thing. Our room is like a safe place for us where we can be alone and have some privacy. Parents should worry if you still haven't come out of your room after a whole day.
3. Parents are also struggling with the pandemic, so they should try to take care of themselves too, mentally and physically.
4. Parents need to treat us like adults. We are aware of the pandemic and the consequences of our actions. We would not want to risk our health or others by hanging out with friends when we're not supposed to. So overall parents should trust us more.
After watching the video:
1. Because they are bored and want an audience
2. She doesn't give an exact amount of time but she does say to try to engage them in family matters. Always give a say and a "why" and a choice in the conversation.
3. Take extra self care, and try to take time alone with themselves. You can do that via sending your kids to a (safe) sleepover or something similar to the matter.
4. Parents need to trust their kids more and empathise with them. They need to understand that teens need to socially interact with their friends, so parents should help with that, creating safe hangouts within their kids safe bubble of friends.
-Lola McIver
I found it really interesting, and the vocabulary section very helpful. For the first question I’d said that it is because they don’t get any attention from parents, and Alyson Schafer explained that once you tell them to go outside or not argue in your presence, they’ll stop because what they want is your attention. Moving on to the next question, I didn’t know an exact amount of time, I would say what the person needs. But making sure they have breaks as the expert says, schedule some time to move for not only physical health, but also for mental health. When parents are overcomed and they had enough, I would suggest to relax, go away and then come back in a better mood or also communicate and apologise with the children, that you are also going through a tough time. In the talk she recommended some selfcare time. Finally, the last question I’d said: by creating a good and safe space of communication and trust, the expert mentions extending your trust, so both sides can fully communicate fearlessly, and thinking they’ll be listened and understood. - Clara B
I found this video really interesting and honestly as a teenager I uncounsciosly watched the whole thing in a defense position in case I would not feel understood by Alyson. Nonetheless, I think what she says is very true and I believe her advice may be really helpful for parents.
-Ingrid Masip
It was really interesting to watch the video, because it is a really important matter and specially for us teenagers.
My opinion before watching the video:
1. Sometimes we need attention, so we start fighting
2. I don't think there's anything wrong with spending time in your room. For me, it's my safe place, where I can do whatever I want, and to be on my own world and disconnect from my problems or real life. I do think that spending all day locked in your room can be toxic, so as parents they just need to make them have some family time.
3. Parents need to take care of themselves, specially now with the pandemic. So it is okay to have some alone time as a parent, and us teenagers we will understand it, just talk to us and that's it.
4. They just have to trust us, we aren't little kids anymore, so if you treat us like a baby will get really annoyed and that will cause problems. It is hard but make sure your kids can trust you and that they can say where the actually going without feeling judged or feeling like you are going to get angry.
After:
1. Like I said they want attention or are bored
2. Make them spend family time, but it is okay to let them be in their rooms
3. Have alone time, you can put your kids in activities, so you can have alone time
4. Trust your kids, because it is the most important thing
-Mora Kiara
Why do teenagers tend to fight when the parents are busy?
Looking back to when I was a teen I can’t actually tell, but I guess it depends on the teen personality, sadly some teens have to behave like this so they can get some attention from their parents.
What is the reasonable amount of time to allow teens to be alone in their room?
As they want as long as the share some time with their families, since it is quite important and communication is everything.
What can parents do if they run out of patience, are cranky, and snap at their children?
Tell them they feel bad about it, it is ok we are all humans but even though the parents feel some kind of way they should always try to understand their children, because when their children snap at them, they want an apology back.
How can parents ensure teens are not lying and going behind their back to see their friends?
It is impossible, unless they check their phones, messages etc, which is a violation of their privacy, each case is different but unless they friends are criminals it seems out of hand to behave like this.
My opinion:
1. Maybe they are angry because they have mood swings or something bad happend.
2. All the time they need. Like, they are humans and they choose their own ways of living. You can give them advice, but don't force them to do anything.
3. Try to stop forcing yourself into your children and get a life for yourself. If they don't want to be with you then it's fine.
4. Just trust them. And if they don't follow the rules is their problem.
The comparison:
1. Maybe some want attention even if I feel like maybe it's mostly because of mood swings. Maybe it's because I don't have brothers that I don't really feel related to this point.
2. It's good to ask them to go out to do some sport, but if they feel like not doing it just let 'em be.
3. Why can't you guys just be together in the same house doing different things? Didn't you guys say that they were locked in their rooms? Then that means that you have everything else for yourself, just enjoy that. Think about it as living with roommates.
4. I wish I had a chimney too.
Final thought:
Please, do the "roommate treatment" and stop trying to force your thoughts and ideas into your children. Treat them as adults and, if they do something wrong, then it's their problem, failing is the best way to learn. Just give them advice, but don't force them to follow it.
And, talking about the audio, I think that maybe it'll be good to put listening about global themes, without them being from a specific country. Because this shouted "AMERICA" and I don't feel like I can put myself on their skin because their "American dream" kinda lifestyle is not the Spanish lifestyle.
In my opinion, adolescence is a stage of life where hormones and the brain are constantly developing, thus, we tend to be emotionally unstable. This instability involves constant mood swings, a more cynical and more sensitive perception of life. The role of parents and friends is crucial.
Many studies prove that parents need to build a good relationship with their children. This involves starting to give more responsibilities and space when making important decisions.
There are overprotective parents and negligent parents, and none of them will be playing a good role as parents.
Lisa Campos
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